So... I was in downtown Mexico City

I had a 24 hr layover in the capitol of Mexico. So that means we don't stay at the airport hotel, we go to the Hotel Intercontinental in downtown Mexico City (MC) about a 25 minute hair-raising drive in a van with zero side impact standards.

The other pilot is telling me how much he hates MC during the entire 5 hr flight down from Newark. So on the van ride, that almost takes my life on three or four occasions, he turns down any request to go see the town and almost vomits when I tell him my plan to eat off of a taco cart.

Upon arrival at the hotel the last interaction we have is "slam" "click." As we call these types "slamclickers." The door shuts, then you hear the lock sound and don't see them until the predetermined time the next day to take the shuttle back to the aeropuerto.

I put on my cargo shorts, trying to not look terribly white, and head out to the streets with my t-shirt that says "Canada" on the front (maybe not too smart.) I start walking and find a taco cart right around the corner from my hotel. ("Taco cart" is a stand like you would see a vendor in NYC selling hot dogs. The only difference is that it is tacos and various types of semi-raw meat is involved. They finish cooking it once you tell them what you want.)

I pass on the first stand, seeing as it is very close and no crowd to cheat off of to figure out the protocol for ordering a street taco. I keep walking (4 blocks) until I get to the heart of downtown. There are long grassy medians, almost park-like, in between 5 lanes of traffic on either side with huge 5-7 lane roundabouts every 1/4mile or so. I try to cross the street and learn very quickly pedestrians have no kind of right away, and hitting a gringo must be encouraged in their driving points system. I cheat death and get across both sides of the 5 lanes in either direction. I find the mother of all taco carts! Right in an alley next to a Subway. Many people are standing around with plate in hand eating tacos (40cents a piece USD.) This raw meat surely is fresher and less hazardous (yes I subscribe to the crowd mentality.) I attempt to order... "dos beef." I think for a second all 10million plus people in the city were silent and all smog lifted. After a brief pause, what comes back is a string of Spanish at mach 2 speed. So the pointing and gesturing begin, I call this foreign country charades.

All is well as a 4ft2in lady (yes shorter than my Mom!) slaps a plate with a piece of wax paper on top into my hand. I start trying to pay, which they will not accept. You see they wanted me to order more and they would total up the end. I eat my two tacos and hand them the plate. I get another dose of Spanish at auctioneer speed. I make out "ocho." So I hand them a US dollar. A look of panic and more Spanish until finally a man in a business suit translates. He hands me the change, 2 pesos. I bolt, semi-embarrassed.

It is at this point, or when I step into Subway and also have to play charades, that someone notices that I don't fit in. I was grabbing Subway to have in my room for dinner, also in case there were any ill-effects from the rabbit taco I just ate. Sub in hand, I head out to frogger my way across the first 5 lanes of blazing traffic. I cross the median and am waiting to cross the 5 lanes on the other side. I wait and wait and wait. Minutes are going by and a large crowd grows wanting to cross. This is when I feel someone groping me. Not intentionally, just looking to steal my wallet, and he was checking my front pockets when I finally felt him. I smacked his hand in my pocket and turned to watch him slither away through the large crowd waiting to cross. All of a sudden the crowd (yes, I love the crowd mentality) decides enough is enough, and pushes out into traffic. In disbelief of what just happened, I am thankful my wallet is in my side pocket of my cargo shorts behind two hard to open buttons.

I start to rethink my city exploration plan and start thinking about the Captain back at the hotel (and the numerous travel warnings we had about the area from Continental Crew travel.) I am standing right by Dunkin Donuts. I decide to pick up a "fat pill" for the morning so that I won't have to venture back out, or have to dine at the super expensive restaurant in the hotel at all.

So with my subway bag in hand (donut stuffed in with sub) I start the 3 block walk back to the hotel. Mind you every 10 steps, so far, is a beggar or someone who tells you they can get anything you want in very bad broken English. I am pretty soured on MC people before I run into, lets call him, "Sam."

Sam actually just says "hello" in passing, with good English. Then as we stand on the first corner, he asks if I had been to MC before. I told him I had, but this area was new to me. He excitedly tells me there is so much great stuff to see. He wishes me well, and to enjoy my stay. Sam walks off ahead. At the next crosswalk I catch back up with Sam. Sam tells me he has family in Texas. I tell him it is a nice place and that he should go visit sometime. He asks if I am from there. I tell him no, that I am from MI. He says, "oh, up norde." I chuckle and say, "yes, up north." He then wants to know if I speak much Spanish. I tell him not even "une piquito" (spelling: a little)

We approach my hotel, but I didn't want to say it was my hotel, so I tell Sam to take care that I am down towards the three hotels around the corner. He gets excited and says the area is so close to many good things, but in particular "the Market," which I must see. I tell him thanks for the tip and that I would ask about it inside. He then says if I have a second, he can point me towards it. I decline and point to the food in my hand and tell him someone inside is waiting for me. He says it is only a couple minutes not even two more blocks and he can point me right to it. I decline again. He says that he insist I let him show me and that it is along his way. So FOR WHATEVER STUPID REASON (being friendly) I say, "yeah sure," but I have to be right back. Then it gets weird, fast.

He starts rambling/telling me stuff fast; he trains a boxer, going to Bogota for a fight that will be on ESPN, his English starts to get rougher and he starts demonstrating how to hit. As he talks, he starts touching me on the shoulder... a lot.

Then we go to cross a street and he jumps out in front of me like he is protecting me from traffic that does not exist. He uses this opportunity to switch the side he was walking on (from my right now to my left.) He resumes his banter and shoulder touching. You see this technique is good. I did not like this stranger touching my arm, and I was very focused on it... So I could not feel his other hand while he rummaged though my pockets.

He struck out, my wallet was buttoned in the small side cargo pocket. He finds this out by randomly stopping and faking to wipe something on my shoes, so he can brush and feel my side pockets. I tell him to please stop touching my shoes and that I am leaving. He then tells me it is a side business of his, to do shoe protection. I start turning around and he tells me, its just around the corner. Mind you, there are lots of cops around, even on Segway's. So for that aspect I am not too concerned about getting mugged in broad daylight with cops around.

I walk half a block more, 100 feet past some cops, then I refuse to go any farther. He gives me a vague description of how to get to "market" from here (we are currently two and a half block from the hotel.) He then asks me for the napkin in my Subway bag. He gets it and writes down the channel for ESPN, the fighters names and time. This gets my guard back down. I then told him to have a safe trip and good luck with the fight, I start to walk. He then asks, "Could you give me a dollar for the bus?" I think peso, sure and dig in to give him the 1 peso coin. He looks cross-eyed, rubs his fingers and says, "no... a DOLLAR." I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IN HEAVENS NAME POSSESSED ME TO PULL OUT MY WALLET, but I was trying to be nice and never thought why would a Mexican bus take a US dollar. No sooner do I pull my wallet out, he yanks the green paper out he sees sticking out the top of my wallet. He gets my 5 DOLLAR BILL! (I only had about 8 dollars on me.) I immediately holler and demand my money back. He hollers right back and yells that I owe him 80 dollars for his services! I yell back that I did not buy anything from him and to give me back my money NOW! Well you see, I am about to get extorted for Lord only knows how much. The cops on their Segways start to look at us, which is exactly what Sam wants. The cops, who don't speak English, will come over getting told who knows what by Sam. I also notice a bank and ATM 50 feet away. I can envision it all. I will be taken to the ATM, paying off both cops and Sam (we had a previous crew reported instance in MC that had to pay off cops for some phony prob to "go away" or go to jail.)

I toned down as Sam gets his wallet out and yells that he can make change. His wallet is packed full of deniro both Mex and USD. I then start walking away, giving up on my "$5-fiver." I looked at him and said, "you are a thief, and if this was America this would not be tolerated and you would be arrested, you are a thief!" Like this was going to impact him some way.. lol! He then looks at me and says, "do you now how to get back to the hotel?" I never looked back and just ignored Sam as I speed-walked all the way back to the hotel to sulk.

It wasn't the 5 dollars... well it was, but it was the fact that I felt stupid and gullible, looking back at all the signs. He was good though, in how he reeled me in several times.

While I did learn from this, sadly I went to Santo Domingo a few weeks later and had another problem. Lindsey thought it funny yet concerning. I will save that story for another post.